Confessions of a Keyword Concubine

Most of you know that I’m only a keyword concubine by night. By day, I’m a hospice social worker. The hospice that I work for is a small not-for-profit agency, and right now we’re experiencing a huge growth spurt. I have a caseload of 27, two more than the national average. I’m not complaining, mind you, because I love my job, but it is keeping me busy. I’ve worked over thirty hours in the last three days, and there’s still plenty more waiting for me to do when I get in tomorrow.

Just what, some of you are probably wondering, does a hospice social worker do? Plenty. I–or my social work partner in crime–go out with the nurses on each new admission and make sure that the legal paperwork is taken care of properly. Then I have to do a three page psychosocial assessment and a two page bereavement risk assessment on each new patient within five days of admission. Not five business days, mind you. Five days. From those assessments, I come up with a plan of care and handle any needs that are immediately apparent on admission, like helping clients find extra caregivers, sign up for home-delivered meals or a personal medical alarm, or select a funeral home. Sometimes, the situation at home is so bad it requires that the client be placed in a skilled nursing facility immediately, but luckily those cases are rare.

After the initial rush of the admission, things settle down a little. As long as the situation is stable, I visit clients in their homes or nursing centers twice a month to provide emotional support and assess the need for any new resources. I’m also available for emergencies during the day–”Mrs. X doesn’t have an air conditioner and it’s 100 degrees outside.” “Mr Y’s caregiver just went to the hospital for chest pains and we have to get Mr. Y to a nursing home where someone can look after him.” “Ms. Z doesn’t have any food in the house.”

After a client dies, I follow families for a year of bereavement counseling, making phone calls and home visits, sending letters and cards to people I’m having a hard time reaching by phone, helping facilitate support groups, and in general just being available when bereaved family members and friends need to talk.

Then, when I get home from my day job I gulp down a meal, watch a half-hour long sitcom, and go to work on my writing. It’s quite the life. But, you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way! More on my writing projects next time. In the meantime, enjoy my current ramblings:

What is an Indian Penny? on Experts123 (mine is the second answer)

Can HIV Testing Be Required Prior to Medical Treatment? on eHow

History of Disposable Diapers on eHow (come on, admit it, you want to know)

And my personal favorite…

DVD Review – Jesus Christ Superstar 2001 on Suite101.com

‘Til next time, enjoy the summer and stay cool!

I have a very special new addition to my family that will be coming home on Tuesday. No, it isn’t a baby. (You know me better than that, right?) It isn’t even a new kitten, although that would be a better guess. Actually, it’s a new computer. My old computer is about six years old–in this day and age, that’s geriatric. So I went to Best Buy last night and picked out a whole new system: computer, monitor, and printer.

I’m supposed to bring my old computer in on Tuesday evening to get the files transferred, and then my sweet little tax write-off will be able to come home with me and assume her duties as primary computer of the household. Hurray!

Since I’m not the most technically competent person on earth, I’m assuming I’ll be without Internet access for a day or two while I struggle to get everything up and running, so I’m rushing to finish some assignments that are due next week. I’ve got one outstanding for Textbroker, four for Demand Studios (who are paying for my new computer), and one for Suite101.com.

I’ve also found a new employer, a kind of reincarnation of Life123 called Experts123. I’m giving them a chance, since Life123 did pay me what they owed me in the end. Like most start ups, they’re a little disorganized right now, but their rates are good, at least for a content mill. It will be interesting to see what happens.

Wish me luck!

Hi, faithful readers!

I’ve spent the last few weeks getting adjusted to not being pampered the way I was on my cruise. I’ve tried to train my cats to serve me dinner, but they seem to think things should work the other way around. It always amazes me that science says I have the higher IQ, yet I’m the one waiting on them hand and foot. Ah, well, they’re worth it.

Most of my recent writing projects have involved paid blog posts, which are kind of fun. I’ve gotten to write about some really interesting subjects (solar energy, Malaysia, computer games) and some subjects that were not so interesting (condos in Vancouver, used pool tables). Even if some of the topics weren’t my favorites, though, I figure the research I did might come in handy some day.

I’ve also written quite a few articles for Demand Studios. One of their clients has a new format that I really enjoy. It’s called the “Decision” format. You get to present the pros and cons of a topic and then advise readers as to what most of the experts consider to be the bottom line of the issue.

Tonight I’m surfing the web looking for new job leads and finishing up a couple of articles for Textbroker. Then I want to type up the notes I took while I was traveling. I always try to keep a travel journal, because I find if I don’t get things written down, the memories just fade too fast.

‘Til next time!

Links to some of my recent articles:

Book Review – Plain Jane: A Novel of Jane Seymour on Suite 101

How Long Can a Person Live with Parkinson’s? on Answerbag

Hi, faithful readers (all three of you!).

I haven’t posted in awhile because I’ve been out of the office, so to speak. I threw my hands up, said to heck with everything, and took a two-week cruise to Hawaii. To say I had a wonderful time would be the worst understatement of the century.

Of course, I loved touring different sites on the islands. I went to the obligatory luau on Kaua’i, where I ate a pig and ate like a pig. I visited the Kilauea volcano on the big island of Hawaii. When we docked at Honolulu in Oahu, I went to the Sea Life Park and had great fun watching a feisty sea lion who absolutely refused to perform her tricks no matter how many fish her trainer fed her. In Maui, I went whale watching in the morning and spent the rest of the day shopping for souvenirs for my friends back home.

So all that was tremendous fun, but what I enjoyed most were the days at sea when I could curl up on the deck with a good book and read myself into oblivion. I’m a fast reader, and I got through nearly five books on my trip. My favorite was a novel about the life of Jane Seymour called Plain Jane by Laurien Gardner–I’ll be writing a review about that one for Suite101. I also read an old Jonathan Kellerman mystery–always a good read–and a couple of books of short stories, and I started Pat Conroy’s newest book, South of Broad.

And then…sigh…my vacation was over and it was back to the real world. And wouldn’t you just know it, I got sick the day after I got back, so I’ve been trying to make up a backlog of work while I’m sniffling, sneezing, coughing, and simultaneously sweating and shivering.

The good news is that through all that, I’ve somehow managed to make my writing deadlines and rake in a little extra spending money. I need it, too. Because I’ve decided that this year I’m going to write enough to pay for a Mediterranean cruise I’ve been wanting to take forever. Athens, here I come!

Oh, I almost forgot. For my last Suite101 article, I interviewed a co-worker about her experiences as the owner of an Amazon parrot. Here is her story.

As always, thanks for reading and I’ll try to write more faithfully now that I’m back in town.

I’ve had a busy weekend. I had a few article-writing assignments to finish up and I spent the time when I wasn’t writing scouring Writer’s Market for leads on publications where I might place a couple of my short stories.

The bad news is, I didn’t find too many. Unfortunately, my fiction seems to fall between genres–or completely outside of traditional genres–and thus it is not always very marketable. My bad. I either need to discipline myself to write what sells or get good enough at fiction writing that I can create my own niches. Either way, a daunting task!

Anyway, after my weekend of work I rewarded myself by watching the season premiere of The Tudors. Sure, it takes a few (!) liberties with the historical facts, and the regular person flipping channels might occasionally mistake it for soft core porn, but nevertheless, I’m hooked. Jonathan Rhys Meyers makes a formidable, if slightly skinny, Henry VIII, and Natalie Dormer holds her own quite nicely as Anne Boleyn. I also like Maria Doyle Kennedy’s restrained yet immovable performance as Katherine of Aragon. Unfortunately my real favorite from last season, sadly will not be returning this season: Sam Neill as Cardinal Wolsey.

Nevertheless, watching the season opener was a fun break from my writing projects. Today it’s back to the keyboard. I owe Suite101 at least three articles, I have more travel and financial articles to write for the client who kept me so busy this weekend, and I’m expecting a new assignment from another client. I guess I’m back in the swing of things again. And it feels great.

There are two types of fiction writers, the type that is continually surprised at what their characters do and the type that is horrified by the idea that the writer is not in complete control of the story at all times. So, fess up, do your characters ever hijack your story and take it in directions you never planned?

Mine do. Oh, I try to follow the rules. I always write a careful outline that details exactly where the story is going. It always sounds great on paper. But somewhere in the midst of the writing, one (or more) of the characters always takes over. “I wouldn’t do that!” the character complains indignantly, or “I might do that, but I wouldn’t be dumb enough to get caught.”

Sometimes a minor character will demand more air time, or a major character will shrink into the background until I realize that he has become a minor character. Sometimes the villain becomes the hero of the story, or vice versa. Sometimes that happy ending that I’d had all planned turns into a three-hanky event.

That’s why I write and edit my fiction in stages. During the first stage, I outline and come up with a workable plot. During the second stage, I turn off my internal editor and just write. I may switch back and forth between first person and third person. I may change my viewpoint character. I almost always change my ending. Anything goes during this stage of explosive creativity. Once I’ve got it all down on paper, I set it aside for a few days.

When I pick it back up, I’m wearing my editor’s hat. I give it a critical read-through. Which parts work the best? Which ending rings the most true given what I’ve learned about my characters through the writing process? It usually takes several editing sessions before I have a story I like. But am I done yet? Not quite.

Next I set the story aside for several weeks and work on other projects. After a “cooling off” period, I read it twice more, once to catch any editorial mistakes or logical inconsistencies, the second time to make sure the prose flows smoothly.

Then and only then do I start the process of marketing the story. Sometimes, if I’m not sure about what I’ve got on paper, I’ll even add another cooling off period and round of editing before I start querying publications.

Is this the most efficient method in the world? Good heavens, no! Would I save myself a lot of time and anxiety if I stuck to my original outline? Sure. Would writing fiction be nearly as fun for me if I didn’t allow my characters to take over and have their say? Absolutely not.

And since, let’s face it, most of us won’t make a living off of our fiction. Why write it unless it’s fun?

Years ago, I heard an off-color joke:

A man goes to his doctor and demands three extra large doses of Viagra. His doctor asks him why he needs so much Viagra and the man replies, “Well, my wife is going out of town for a few days. The first dose is so I can pleasure my girlfriend. The second dose is for the neighbor lady who keeps smiling at me. And the third dose is to make my wife happy when she comes back home.”

Although with some misgivings about the size of the requested dosage, the doctor gives the man his Viagra.

About a week later, the doctor sees the man again. He is walking stiff-legged, his right hand is bandaged, and his right arm is in a sling. “Gracious!” the doctor says, “What happened to you?”

The man smiles sheepishly and replies, “No one showed up.”

Like the man getting ready to show his three women something special, I often spend a lot of time planning for and worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Yesterday, for instance. I spent all day at my day job stressing about a new project I was to start work on. I thought about it. I stewed. I sweated. I worried. When I got home, I rushed to my computer to get a head start…and there was an email from my editor saying that they were going to put the first project on hold indefinitely but would I be interested in working on another project in a subject area I know and love.

All that anxiety for nothing! A perfectly good day wasted by anticipation of something that never came to pass.

We all have good imaginations–we wouldn’t be writers if we didn’t–but if you’re like me, there are probably times when your imagination runs to the dark side and gets you into trouble. I invite you to make a solemn oath with me: I will stop buying trouble. I will deal with issues as they come up and not before. I will enjoy my writing projects and not freak out about unsubstantiated possibilities. I will not be like the man in the joke with his overdose of Viagra and no girlfriend in sight. This I swear by the mighty cat (or whatever else you hold sacred).

I just wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a very happy Valentine’s Day. May all your most romantic dreams come true!